Update

Funny story: My mom, when first arriving last week to care for us, asked how particular we are about locking the doors when we leave the house. I told her I’m pretty careful despite feeling safe in our neighborhood. Yesterday afternoon, she took the kids to a dentist appointment while I napped. When they returned, there was a beautiful, bountiful dinner laid out on the kitchen countertop – certain proof that an intruder (thanks, Jane!) had entered the unlocked house while I slept. It’s enough to make me reconsider my habit of locking the doors. Who knows how many meals we may have missed?

Update: My pain pump was taken out by a home health nurse on Sunday, and I’ve been doing well without prescription pain relief. The Drain is uncomfortable but is due to come out Thursday at my follow-up doctor appointment. I’ll be glad to be rid of the gruesome thing!

I’ve mainly posted about my physical health but have appreciated people’s concern about how I’m doing emotionally. As to be expected, my emotions are all over the place, depending on the day and circumstances. Here are some common ones:

Mourning: My diagnosis was a shock, but the cancer was caught early enough that my life has not been at stake. For this reason, I have not felt the relief of a survivor, as many patients do. Rather, I have mourned the loss of seemingly good health. It sounds ungrateful, I know, but there you have it. Recovery has been a good distraction. Right now, I am relieved to have the surgery behind me and am so heavily bandaged that I cannot see the surgical site. The bandages come off Thursday. Please pray that I can accept my physical changes with grace. 

Gratitude: While I’ve struggled to feel gratitude about cancer treatment that will restore my health, I have felt tremendous gratitude toward all the people God has placed in my life who have ministered to me with words of encouragement and wisdom or with meals and rides and other practical assistance. It’s overwhelming how much care I have received! I am also grateful for a more rapid and pain-free recovery than anticipated and for the much-prayed-for restful nights of sleep I experienced before each surgery. Also, the chemotherapy will also be of a shorter duration than originally expected (12 instead of 16 weeks), which will allow me to finish before the kids start summer vacation – that is a huge blessing!

Anxiety: As a needle-phobic person, I felt very anxious before the surgeries. Even the iv, though minor compared to the surgery, is traumatic. Now I feel relief to have that behind me. I am also nervous about chemotherapy – needles remaining over several hours. Please pray that I can see this treatment as a medicine rather than as a poison.

Impatience: Now that the surgery is done, I am very impatient to finish recovery and get past chemotherapy and back to “normal”. However, it is very clear to me that this is a time to slow down and wait on the Lord. I am certain there are important lessons are to be learned and I am to keep a calm and open heart to learn them thoroughly.