Milking It

Dialog #1.
Husband, moaning: My head hurts. I think it's my sinuses. And I'm so tired.
Me with feigned indifferent: Whatever. It's not like you have cancer.

Dialog #2:
Son: Hey! Who ate the whole bag of M&Ms?
Me: I did. Because I have cancer.

Dialog #3:
Me: Could someone please take out the garbage? I can't because I--
Husband, Son, and Daughter: WE KNOW, WE KNOW. Because you have cancer.
Me: Well, actually, because I'm cooking dinner right now. But, you're right. Cancer patients shouldn't have to take out the garbage. Thanks!